Crashbag Vol. Something: Seems To Me We’ve Lost Count

Let’s start with one from in-house.

Maybe I could come up with something. Maybe. I’ll need to spin that “d” and cover over part of it to make an “F”, I think.

Damn, a baseball question? Ok, I guess. Cesar Hernandez sure did turn himself into a player, eh? I will admit I assumed he would never amount to more than a non-shortstop bench player, and those jobs are hard to find if you also lack any power, which I assumed he always would. But he’s racked up nearly 7 fWAR over the last two years, even with some missed time this season. His speed has still helped him plenty, even if he hasn’t been an overwhelming threat to steal – he’s 13/16 this year, much better than his 17/28 last year. He’s MLB Top Ten in infield hits and Fangraphs’ speed stat, and led the league in triples in 2016.

But what to do with another potential first-division starter in Scott Kingery waiting behind him? One of them will have to go, and I think it’s obvious that Cesar is the choice right now. His value this offseason, with 4 years of control remaining, will likely never be higher. I’m far from an expert on “what kind of return do you get from…”, but assume with all their high-minors talent, the Phils are looking for big leaguers to fill rotation spots or back-end bullpen roles, and/or minor leaguers who don’t need 40-man roster spots yet. However the second base market shakes out this offseason, Cesar is a mid-first division guy. That’s an upgrade for a lot of teams.

“Homicide: Life On The Street” was a really good show. That’s as close to Law and Order as I get. David Simon has had his bad moments in public, but he’s been connected to some truly fine television, including writing for Homicide, plus producing and writing for “The Corner”, “The Wire” (has anyone ever seen that one? Anyone?) and the truly remarkable HBO miniseries “Show Me A Hero”.

See how I pivoted away from the question about Law and Order to get to a thing about Oscar Isaac? He’s dreamy, folks.

Let me be clear: this would rule no matter who among position players did it, and getting hit in the junk is always going to hurt. But we saw Jorge Alfaro hit 114 mph on his first big league homer this week. That plus he’s “Mexican”, which would irk Trump a little extra, and I think we’ve got our man. (Alfaro’s Colombian, btw, but do we think Trump would bother to learn the difference, or would he just yell “MS-13!” at him? 99% sure it’s the latter.)

I guess the answer is Adele. I very much liked 19 and 21. Prior to that, you’d have to go back to Jack Johnson’s first couple records or maybe John Mayer to find someone truly mainstream who wasn’t also “from the 70s”, i.e. liking Tom Petty’s “Last DJ” or the like.

Currently, I absolutely love that new Lorde LP. Not sure she’s like, mainstream, mainstream, though she has had some big hits. Aside from that, does Pinegrove count as mainstream? Probably not.

I have been through a lot of musical tastes in my lifetime. Classic rock and some modern rock before I got real seriously into blues music, which faded some in college as I got more into indie rock and lots of old soul music, and some underground hip hop.

After school, I got into a long rut of only really listening to whatever I already had, plus whatever sterile folk-rock type guitar singer/songwriter was on Austin City Limits that season. Amos Lee was a big thing for a while, as was Ben Harper and the aforementioned Jack Johnson. Then a few years ago, James from and a bunch of the original Crashburn people and other Twitter “notables” were regularly using a social music site called (RIP), and I got back into indie rock and indie folk through the music others were sharing. So blame Paul Boyé, basically, for my current musical tastes. And hey, look, a segue.

I’m going to preface this by saying there is basically no one from Crashburn’s past or present that I think is anything like any of the mostly vile beings that occupy the inner circle of Donald Trump’s cabinet and senior staff. Except Adam. (Just bustin’ balls, folks). I will keep it to long-gone alumni so as to mitigate the rage in our current email threads.

Bill Baer is rumored to be a robot or a cyborg or something, and rumored to still live in his parents’ basement, and I think both of those things are likely true of HHS Secretary Tom Price.

Mike Baumann has been known to weave elaborate yarns just to make a pun. Sean Spicer has been known to weave elaborate yarns just to avoid answering a direct question. So there you go. Congrats, Mike.

On social media the other day, Paul Boyé claimed a new found skill: voiceovers. Who would you rather have telling you all about the ins and outs of your company’s HR policies than Jared Kushner. Example:


Ryan Sommers is Trump himself, I think, because both get all worked up on Twitter.

And I believe Eric Longenhagen could actually replace Betsy DeVos, as he knows more about high school and college kids than she does.

Quick hits:

It’s “lots”. He’s no different than a lot of power hitters. He pulls the ball on the ground. If he were a lefty teams would shift the hell out of him.

Source: FanGraphs

You don’t give up on Maikel Franco until you have a superior option. There’s not one in the minors right now, but come next off-season *cough* *Machado* *cough* they could sign Manny Machado. Weird that I coughed that and then just said it.

Tocci is playing himself into a 40-man spot and the conversation for fourth outfielder for the foreseeable future behind incumbents Herrera, Altherr and Williams. At some point, we’ll likely see Roman Quinn healthy again and battling for the same playing time.

Ok, all, that’s it. Don’t forget to kick a Nazi if you see one. Kick them hard. They are a threat to public safety just by showing up in public as a Nazi, and they deserve no quarter on our streets or in our public spaces. Tell them to crawl back in their hole and kick them. Bye.

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