Crashbag Vol. 17 – Do Not Seek The Treasure
Hey, it’s my first Crashbag. Hope it gives you a chuckle, or failing that, that at least you think I’m an idiot afterwards.
— Adam (@A__D__A__M__) April 27, 2017
Mark Appel was a #1 overall pick and now someone has asked a question about whether he’ll have as good a career as a guy who posted one and one fifth career WAR (I averaged BRef and Fangraphs…for…science). That this is even a realistic question is just a brutal assessment of Appel. Harsh. Poor guy.
I liked Condrey in ’08 – he was reliable-ish, and threw a pretty good ground ball rate over 69 innings, (interesting), while lacking an out pitch that could have helped him out of some jams. Though even one more out would have ruined that “interesting” season, so…
Expectations for Appel have cratered over the last few years. His fastball is hittable, his secondaries are inconsistent, and he’s had trouble pitching from the stretch, which is not so helpful in shoring up his floor as a big league bullpen piece. In the end, Appel would have to really stabilize his performance in the coming months, or maybe just weeks, in order to avoid being pushed into the AAA bullpen this year. From there, the club will trim his arsenal to a fastball and likely a slider and little else to see how it plays. I’d expect to see him in the MLB in September for a look, and competing for a bullpen job next year.
So to answer the original question – what do I know, man? Probably he’ll manage a longer career than Condrey, with better stuff to help him run up some stats that would pass Condrey pretty easily. Maybe.
@bxe1234 Seeing as it’s NFL draft day, who is your favorite Phils overall #1 pick?
If it’s #1 overall picks, Pat Burrell beats Mickey Moniak in a two-man contest, based solely on his deceased dog. But damn that’s morbid, so let’s assume the question is “who’s my favorite Phils first round pick”. The easy answer is Chase Utley because he is and always will be the best person at anything he does and I will punch you like a Pepe if you say otherwise. But the actual answer is Carlton Loewer, because he once, while under big league contract, broke his leg falling out of a tree while hunting, again proving that hunting for sport is dumb.
— Michael Weil (@michaelweil) April 28, 2017
If I’m in charge, Hoskins is down all year, and only gets a 40-man spot in September if there’s not a compelling reason to save the spot for a contest between players battling to not get cut. The 40-man is a bear right now, and anyone who can be kept off this season should be, lest someone who may yet be useful gets dropped and lost to another organization. Empty spots should be used for scrap-heapin’ as possible, and Rhys Hoskins should just be allowed to mash his way to an International League MVP.
@bxe1234 What of Cam Perkins, the somewhat forgotten outfield prospect, who is faring well to start the season?
— Circus Maior (@PompeyMalus) April 24, 2017
In the same world, Perkins may come up as an internal “scrap heap” project. He’s not been tossed away by anyone, but it’s the same gist. Maybe he hits enough to stick a while, and maybe he passes back through waivers if you need the spot in the off-season and you try the same exercise next year, and maybe in 2019 he’s playing in Korea and then in 2022 he comes back to the states and hits a ton for a month and looks stronger and everyone thinks he must have done steroids because they don’t know about Korean testing protocols. Maybe.
@bxe1234 Is there some reason why the Phils seem to NOT be included as possible winners of the upcoming Luis Robert bidding war?
The team that signs Robert is likely to be one over their 2016 cap already and so will be hindered in 2017. The Phils have a large bonus pool for ’17, and have certainly been lining up mid-high bonus signees for the start of the International Signing Period on July 2. Signing Robert in May or whenever he’s available will push them over their 2016 cap and subject the club to penalties, thereby forcing them to break a bunch of agreements they’ve lined up. Not great for the club’s reputation in future deals.
Also he has two first names and that’s just asking for trouble. Look at all the hoops Tommy Joseph had to jump through to get to the majors. He had to not get brain damage from multiple concussions, then somehow not develop osteoporosis before he figured out first base and started to mash AAA pitching.
@bxe1234 does the Rhineland Rocket win 2 or 3 MVP’s? Or all the MVP’s? I’ll hang up and listen
— John Zaccarelli (@JohnZaccarelli) April 23, 2017
All. He wins them all forever.
I would like to point out that I’m not a German Nationalist or whatever actual German-specific Nazis would want to be called now. I have some very old familial roots in the Rhineland-Palatinate region of Germany, and that’s where Aaron Altherr was born, to a US Service member mother and a former German pro soccer player father. I put together that he was from “place I’m from”, plus Mike Trout‘s excellent “Millville Meteor” nickname had been around for a bit, and so I made up the nickname because I like good nicknames, as opposed to shitty ones like “ARod” and (don’t @ me) “JRoll”. Those are nicknames someone in junior high could tag someone with.
Do we call Ted Williams “TDub”? Babe Ruth “BRut”? Lou “LG” Gehrig? Walter “WaJo” Johnson? Nope. The present-day writers of our great national pastime should be ashamed of themselves. Trout’s is good thanks to an outsider. I like “King Felix”. But “MadBum” is “SadDumb” and BRef seems to think Clayton Kershaw is called “The Minotaur” which I have never heard and is not very good. The Minotaur gets killed by a guy called Theseus, who sounds, coincidentally, like someone who would be helpful at coming up with different words for nicknames. Anyway:
RHINELAND ROCKET FOR MVP ’17-’29
— Circus Maior (@PompeyMalus) April 25, 2017
So based on context, I think this is a question about Sheriff Seth Bullock of Deadwood, but maybe it’s a question about Brian McCann, circa 2013. Which begs the question: who’s the bigger asshole, McCann or Bullock? Because no matter how much I like the show, the Seth Bullock character is an asshole. A noble asshole, sure. But an asshole. And I’m sure Brian McCann thought himself noble in the face of Carlos Gomez, standing up for the integrity of the game like one would a gold-striking widow without an ally, or Cornish mine laborers threatened by Pinkerton cocksuckers. McCann, like Bullock, is upholding unwritten rules, though Bullock believes his will soon be codified by the establishment, while McCann worries his might be erased by outsiders.
So McCann’s the bigger asshole. On to the next round, where he faces the winner of MadBum/FranWol. Can’t wait for that one.
@bxe1234 The Phillies roster as Coen Bros. characters. Who is who, and why?
— Ethan Witte (@ethan_witte) April 25, 2017
Vince Velasquez is Homer Stokes because he loves three Ks in a row but it could be his downfall. Cesar Hernandez is Tommy Johnson because he must have sold his soul to be as good as he’s been. Jerad Eickhoff is “Man Of Constant Sorrow” because he’s not the one we were expecting to get, but he’s a treasure nonetheless. (Yes, Jerad, you’re a song. Sorry, but it’s true).
Aaron Altherr is Uli Kunkel because he’s from Germany and I doubt he can fix your cable. Cam Rupp is Walter Sobchak because honestly, just look at him. Maikel Franco is The Big Lebowski and Matt Stairs is Walter Sobchak (in this case) because the latter thinks he can make the former walk even though it seems unlikely to everyone else.
Jeanmar Gomez is Norville Barnes because he was given a job no one thinks he can do, then has it quickly and predictably taken away. I guess that makes Joaquin Benoit Sid Mussburger because he’s the well-paid guy the organization really wants in the role. And Hector Neris is Moses because he’s probably the one who’ll make a save at the end of the year.
And now I’m gonna R-U-N-N-O-F-T.