You feel indescribable warmth and ease as the sun sets in an array of blues and pinks. The now shady desert air begins to caress you in its arms. You are one of a few dozen people in a ballpark as quiet as your high school library and you’re learning more from these seats than you ever did there. You’re at the Arizona Fall League. It is righteous. It is good. Continue reading…
It is with a heavy heart that I announce that this will be the final Crash Bag. Because we’re going to have to cancel the internet. Thanks to this:
That’s right. “Bacon Moustache” showed up in my timeline, and I’m declaring the internet closed, and by extension, Twitter, Crashburn Alley and the Crash Bag itself. We need to stop the scourge of internet speak and the fetishization of bacon. I think it’s time to add another one of Baumann’s Laws of Social Conduct. Baumann’s Third Law of Social Conduct: If you use the verb forms of “victory” or “failure” as a noun*, or if you engage in the worship of certain foodstuffs (bacon and Sriracha), you will be turned into a college freshman that doesn’t get invited to the cool parties. In 2007. And there you will remain forever, with Matthew Inman mansplaining about why it’s okay not to respect women on the internet.
*Caveat: “Win” is acceptable as a noun if and only if it refers to a discrete unit of victory, e.g., the Phillies are looking for their first win since 2011. We’re grown-ups here. Let’s start talking like it.
@Brandon_Warne: “One year in, is there any clarity as to who is winning/leading the Worley/May for Revere trade?”
Well, the jury’s very much still out on this one, and I’m uneasy about judging trades at any point but the moment the trade is made (so the vagaries of outcome don’t dilute the criticism of process) but I’d say the Phillies. We’re pretty familiar with what Ben Revere did in 2013–a month or so of being cooler than being cool (which is to say, ice cold) before bringing his batting average up over .300 and his OPS up to around league average. Add plus defense and 22 stolen bases in half a season and that’s not elite production, but it’s not bad. When he fouled that ball off his foot, by the way, Revere had put together 28 hits in his last 15 games. As a Phillies fan, I’d say I was satisfied by Revere’s performance, and I absolutely fell in love with his personality and style of play.
And apologies to Brandon (who for the uninitiated, covers the Twins), but the news isn’t so much overwhelmingly good for the Phillies as it is overwhelmingly bad for Minnesota.
The Phillies’ off-season was chock full of head-scratching personnel decisions. GM Ruben Amaro signed Mike Adams to a two-year contract even though he was coming off of right shoulder surgery. He signed Delmon Young and brought Yuniesky Betancourt to spring training.
Can’t wait to .gif Delmon Young 7-hopping a throw to Yuniesky Betancourt, who bobbles it, then slips on a banana peel.
— Bill Baer (@CrashburnAlley) January 29, 2013