Crash Bag, Vol. 52: Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged

I’m three weeks into my first experience as a national baseball columnist of sorts, and I have to admit that I underrated the trolling possibilities that come with such a position.

With my second post, I went after the San Francisco Giants for being an organization of nincompoops that lucked into two World Series titles in three years, and I went after their fans for being almost as obnoxious on the internet as Phillies fans.

And those fans came back at me. The most common refrain: “You’re just bitter after the 2010 NLCS.”

To which I say: You’re goddamn right I’m bitter about the 2010 NLCS. The 2010 NLCS in which a vastly superior Phillies team couldn’t get out of its own way against a team that had about two position players who were worth a crap, who, to their credit, capitalized on one kind of crappy Roy Halladay start and the fact that the Phillies failed to score in Game 6 while Jonathan Sanchez was going round and round in his own mind.

Am I bitter? Absolutely. Do I hate the Giants? Absolutely. I also hate, for the record, the Braves, Cardinals, Rockies, Mets, Yankees and Red Sox. In case anyone wanted to keep track of my biases.

Anyway, I think the only way to cope with that is to just go out of your way to insult everyone, like the real-life sports blogging manifestation of Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged. So while it’s nice when real journalists try to be unbiased, I admire the intellectual honesty in laying one’s allegiances out there and letting the reader make his own judgments. Not because it gives the reader credit, because most people are too stupid to deserve much credit, but because it’s really tough to be completely objective, particularly about something like sports, and we need to stop lying about it.

@Phrontiersman: “If every member of the Phillies competed on GUTS as a kid, who would perform the best at what event? #crashcrag

I see what you did there. You’re a funny person, Paul Boye. Continue reading…