Philbert and Phillievan

This is probably one of those things that only I’m going to think is funny, but I’ve got to get it out of my system. Feel free to ignore it.

The 2013 Phillies, as written by W.S. Gilbert and Arthur Sullivan.

We Sail the Ocean Blue

We sail the ocean blue
With Doc and Chooch and Utley
When Revere wears No. 2
We will run the bases smartly.

Aumont throws to me at a hundred and three
But Halladay sits eighty-seven
At dinner, you wait; Delmon pilfers your plate
His fielding is a sight to see…

Ahoy! Ahoy! At a hundred and three.
Ahoy! Ahoy! It’s a sight to see.
But something’s wrong with Halladay…

We sail the ocean blue
With Doc and Chooch and Utley
When Revere wears No. 2
We will run the bases smartly.
With Doc and Chooch and Utley.
We’ll run the bases smartly.
Let’s grab a beer and watch Revere
Wear No. 2!

With Cat-Like Tread

With fat-like tread
The Delmon takes the field.
With crowd in dread,
His throwing arm’s revealed.
With mouth agape,
Delmon stares into the sky.
The only things he hits
Are Jewish guys…

Na-na-na-na, Na-na-na-na

I guess that isn’t strictly fair;
He hits a lefty here and there.

Come friends, let’s see Dom Brown
Break barriers with baseballs
Both temporal and spatial.
Let’s watch him–now he’s free!
Will he stick in left? We’ll see!

Outfield corners
Dom and Delmon play
Revere in center
Sometimes Mayberry

They want more depth there
Or so Amaro says
A shame Nate Schierholtz
Has gone a separate way

Chicago Cubs! (That’s where he plays)
Chicago Cubs! (Or so he says)

With fat-like tread
The Delmon takes the field.
With crowd in dread,
His throwing arm’s revealed.
With mouth agape,
Delmon stares into the sky.
The only things he hits
Are Jewish guys…

Come friends, let’s see Dom Brown
Break barriers with baseballs
Both temporal and spatial.
Let’s watch–I’ve seen enough!
Let’s just call up Darin Ruf!

With fat-like tread
How Delmon plays the field
With crowd in dread,
His throwing arm’s revealed!

A British Tar

A good fifth starter’s a silent sort,
At best when he’s seldom heard.
His own rotation spot should be often here forgot
When the manager gives the word.

Chorus
His curve won’t break
And his fastball’s slow
His changeup is straight
His control’s so-so
He’ll put a man on
And rely on luck
He’ll give you seven innings but they’ll kind of suck.

John Lannan sits in a chair reserved
For Pettibone or Cloyd
He probably should desist
Hitting Utley in the wrist
Or his teammates will be annoyed.

Chorus
His makeup’s great
And his health is rude
Though he’s been stripped
Of his Natitude
If Morgan’s called up
To the ‘pen he’ll go
Fifth starters should be infinitely fungible.

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3 comments

  1. Adam

    March 25, 2013 11:05 PM

    Wow! Well done.

  2. BenG

    March 26, 2013 08:56 AM

    He IS a Phillies fan!

    For he himself has said it
    And it’s clearly to his credit
    That he is a Phillies fan
    (That he is a Phillies fan)

    For he might root for the Red Sox,
    The Mets, or Yanks, or White Sox,
    Or perhaps the Nationals
    (Or perhaps the Nationals)

    But in spite of each good reason
    Not to care about this season
    He remains a Phillies fan!
    He-e i-is a-a Phi-hi-hi-hi-hi-hi-hi-hi-hi-llies fan!

  3. Oliver

    March 26, 2013 12:22 PM

    This is probably the best thing I’ve seen this week, which includes Jimmy Fallon singing the Reading Rainbow theme as Jim Morrison.

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