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The Hunt for Red Choochtober

Posted By Michael Baumann On May 31, 2012 @ 12:01 am In Cinema Philliediso,Crabshurn Urly | 2 Comments

The turning point in this evening’s game was undoubtedly the pinch-hit, two-run, game-tying home run by Carlos Ruiz. Go ahead and re-read that sentence and tell me if any of those qualifiers can be changed to make it more awesome. Maybe if it had been a walk-off, but let’s not get greedy. Anyway, His Royal Chorchitude has been nursing a hamstring injury that’s prevented him from catching so far this week, so having him pinch-hit caused a little bit of discussion between Phillies manager Charlie Manuel and his coaching staff. I actually have for you a transcript of that discussion.

Captain 2nd Rank Viktor Manuel: This game is seven bloody innings old. Sitting at the bottom of the division like an idle schoolboy.
Starshina Mike Fontenot: Passing two out in the top of the seventh.
Captain Manuel: Send up  Schneider!
Starshina Brian Schneider: Sending up Schneider.
Captain Manuel: Inquire with the training staff about the possibility of going to Ruiz as a pinch-hitter. (lights cigarette) Seven innings. The entire division is after them.
Starshina Brian Schneider:  Safe and secure at second base.
Captain Lieutenant Yevgeni Mackanin: Captain, training staff reports Ruiz as a pinch-hitter possible…but not recommended.
Captain Manuel: (stubs out cigarette, thinks a moment) Go to Ruiz as a pinch-hitter.
Lieutenant Mackanin: Captain! What is it? Where are we going?
Captain Manuel: We’re going to kill a Met, Yevgeni. We’re going to kill Bobby Parnell.


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