Much A-Chooch About Umping

Considering that Carlos Ruiz was thrown out of tonight’s game without ever seeming to lose his cool, I was interested to know what, exactly, Chooch said to home plate umpire Gary Cederstrom to warrant, as they say in soccer, a booking for dissent. I imagine the exchange went something like this:

Carlos Ruiz: I wonder that you will still be calling balls, Signior Cederstrom: nobody marks you.
Gary Cederstrom: What, my dear Catcher Disdain! Are you yet living?
Ruiz: Is it possible disdain should die while he hath such meet food to feed it as Signior Cederstrom? Srikedom itself must convert to balldom, if you come in his presence.
Cederstrom: Then is strikedom a turncoat. But it is certain I am loved of all catchers, only you excepted: and I would I could find in my heart that I had not a hard heart; for, truly, I love none.
Ruiz: A dear happiness to catchers: they would else have been troubled with a pernicious umpire. I thank God and my cold blood, I am of your humour for that: I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than an umpire swear he saw a strike.
Cederstrom: God keep your catchership still in that mind! So some umpire or other shall ‘scape a predestinate scratched face.
Ruiz: Scratching could not make it worse, an ’twere such a face as yours were.
Cederstrom: Well, you are a rare parrot-teacher.
Ruiz: A bird of my strike zone judgment is better than a beast of yours.
Cederstrom: I would my horse had the speed of your tongue, and so good a continuer. But keep your way, i’ God’s name; I eject thee.
Ruiz: You always end with a jade’s trick: I know you of old.

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6 comments

  1. ease

    May 22, 2012 09:02 PM

    Apparently it was for just turning around. That is why he tossed him.

    They really need to do something about umpiring, too many thinking they ARE the game.

  2. littlechicka

    May 22, 2012 09:11 PM

    seems legit

  3. jauer

    May 23, 2012 01:57 PM

    I love how umpires complain about “being shown up” when a catcher turns around to speak to him, yet there’s no issue of showing up a batter when the umps do their absurd strikeout dances on a called-third.

  4. LTG

    May 23, 2012 02:15 PM

    The strikeout dance is a ritual that invokes the god Baseba’al, whose divinity bestows authority and infallibility on the umpire’s judgment.

  5. Boston Phan

    May 25, 2012 08:42 AM

    That was awesome!

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