General Isaac Trimble and Kyle Kendrick

While watching Kyle Kendrick come in with a two-run lead and go walk-double-double-hit-by-pitch against a Mets lineup reminiscent of….you know what, I’m not even going to bother.

But we witnessed Kyle Kendrick, the Michael Bay of Phillies pitchers (keeps getting work without really ever having done anything substantively good, his appearance attended by explosions and disaster, and makes a lot of money), hitting Lucas Duda with a pitch to force in a run in a situation with a 4.30 leverage index (he posted a -0.66 WPA tonight, btw, the worst mark by a Phillies reliever since Ryan Madson blew a four-run lead in the ninth inning against the Nationals on August 19 of last year). Kendrick stood on the mound with the comportment of a man who’d like nothing more than to dig a hole in the infield and escape through the catacombs.

And yet Charlie Manuel sent him out for a second inning. Then replaced him with Jose Contreras, who hasn’t been effective in two years, and the runs continued to pour in.

I was reminded of this iconic scene from the 1993 movie Gettysburg, where a commander’s inaction eventually costs his side the battle.

Now, Charlie Manuel probably had a good reason to leave Kendrick in, but nevertheless, I’ve rewritten that scene in honor of tonight’s events.

Gen. Ruben Amaro, Jr.: General Lee.
Maj. Gen. Cliff Lee: Sir, I most respectfully request another assignment.
Amaro: Do please go on, General.
Lee: The man is a disgrace! Sir, have you been listening at all to… to what the aides have been telling you? Ask General Halladay or General Blanton. Ask them. We could’ve taken that game! God in His wisdom knows we *should’ve* taken it! There was no one there, no there at all, and it commanded the series.
[he sighs] Lee: General Manuel saw it. I mean, he was with us! Me and Halladay and Blanton, all standing there in the dark like fat, great idiots with that bloody damned bullpen empty!
[he stops] Lee: I beg your pardon, General.
[Amaro nods] Lee: That bloody damned bullpen was empty as his bloody damned head! We all saw it, as God is my witness! We were all there. I said to him, “General Manuel, we have *got* to take that game.” General Bowa would not have stopped like this, with the Mets on the run and there was plenty of light left on a game like that! Well, God help us, I… I don’t know wh… I don’t know why I…
[he stops] Amaro: Do please continue, General.
Lee: Yes, sir. Sir… I said to him, General Manuel, these words. I said to him, “Sir, give me one Papelbon and I will take that game.” And he said nothing. He just stood there, he stared at me. I said, “General Manuel, give me one Qualls and I will take that hill.” I was becoming disturbed, sir. And General Manuel put his arms behind him and blinked. So I said, General, give me one *Bastardo* and I will take that hill.” And he said *nothing*! He just stood there! I threw down my glove, down on the ground in front of him!
[he stops and regains his composure] Lee: We… we could’ve done it, sir. A blind man should’ve seen it. Now they’re working up there. You can hear the axes of the Met troops. And so in the morning… many a good boy will die… taking that game.


Leave a Reply



  1. AntsInIN

    May 09, 2012 08:54 PM

    Yes please more history/Phillies crossovers.

    Also, when does “it’s still early” no longer apply?

  2. Tim

    May 09, 2012 09:17 PM

    Pity there’s so much time left between now and Charlie Manuel’s personal Sayler’s Creek.

  3. Pat

    May 09, 2012 09:49 PM

    Michael Bay? Man, people really hate Kendrick.

    Bastardo pitched the last two nights and he’s not the most durable guy in the world. Qualls probably would’ve pitched the 8th if we held the lead and Papelbon the 9th. I don’t know what else we were supposed to do. The roster just kinda sucks right now.

  4. Phillie697

    May 09, 2012 10:18 PM

    Okay, so back in April, when we were 7-9, I said that we should adjust our expectations of this team. I would say I got pretty beat up. So I posed the hypothetical, that at which point should we adjust then? 14-18? Well, we are now officially at 14-18. Is it time to adjust our expectations yet?

  5. Phillie697

    May 09, 2012 10:19 PM


    We should not have handed Kendrick $7.5M in the off-season and actually paid someone GOOD to pitch for this team.

  6. Pat

    May 10, 2012 12:14 AM

    Hey Phillies697 – Totally agree that was an awful signing, but it’s not his fault he was handed that contract. I just think the ire should be directed at RAJ. Kendrick is what he is – a slightly below average pitcher. If Qualls or Bastardo can’t pitch on a given night, he’s one of the two or three crappy 7th inning options we have.

  7. sakkirook

    May 10, 2012 01:04 AM

    I object to the use of (actors portraying) traitors to represent my beloved Phillies.
    I agree that Mr. Manuel is over-the-hill although, it seems he cannot,or will not conquer the hill

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