This Old Guy?

In this reading of the script from the film Big Daddy, the Philadelphia Phillies will play the role of Vanessa and the Atlanta Braves will play the role of Sonny.

Vanessa: Sonny, that’s what I was trying to tell you before: I found someone.

Sonny: This old guy?

Vanessa: He’s already achieved so much and yet he’s still goal-oriented and still focused. He has a five-year plan.

Sonny: What is it? “Don’t die”? I can’t believe this shit.

(Skip 35 seconds into the video.)

Jamie Moyer gave the Phillies a Halladaysian performance tonight, pitching all nine innings en route to a two-hit complete game shut-out of the milquetoast Atlanta Braves offense (and yet, still an offense envied by the Houston Astros). Troy Glaus was the only Brave to notch a hit off of Moyer, getting two of them in three at-bats. The rest of the Braves lineup, particularly Chipper Jones and Nate McLouth, were baffled by the left-hander’s ability to hit his spots and mix speeds effectively.

Meanwhile, the Phillies were able to provide more than enough offense to back Moyer against Derek Lowe. In 75 and one-third career innings against them, Lowe held the Phillies in check with a 2.87 ERA and a 2.6 strikeout-to-walk ratio. Lowe, however, had been ineffective in his previous 33 innings in 2010.

The Phillies mounted offensive threats in the first and second innings but squandered them due to an aggressive approach and Lowe’s ability to induce ground balls. In the third inning, Shane Victorino and Placido Polanco made for two quick outs, but Chase Utley kept the inning alive with a tennis-like back-handed single to left that left Lowe visibly frustrated. Ryan Howard smoked a single to right field to bring Jayson Werth to the plate with runners on first and second and two out. As if to repeat what he did yesterday, Werth did not disappoint as he drove a Lowe offering over the left-field fence to put the Phillies on the board 3-0.

The game was put out of reach in the fifth when the Phillies loaded the bases with two outs for Raul Ibanez. Ibanez hit a line drive that had enough backspin to sink before left fielder Matt Diaz could get leather on it. Wilson Valdez drove in the sixth and seventh runs with a single up the middle, officially ending Lowe’s night.

As the Phillies were scoring runs, Moyer was economically holding the Braves at bay. Between the two singles off the bat of Troy Glaus in the second and eighth innings, Moyer retired 18 consecutive Braves. In the ninth inning, he retired the Braves in order — including old friend Eric Hinske — to become the oldest pitcher in baseball history to toss a CG SHO at 47 years and 170 days old.

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