Categorizing Your Phillies

After tonight’s 6-1 loss to the Jays, it’s time to audit the 2009 Philadelphia Phillies.

Injured

Clay Condrey
Scott Eyre
Raul Ibanez
Brett Myers
Chan Ho Park

Losers

Eric Bruntlett
Chris Coste
Brad Lidge
Jimmy Rollins
Jack Taschner

Losers but with the possibility of promotion

Antonio Bastardo
Pedro Feliz
Ryan Howard
Ryan Madson
J.C. Romero

Meh

Joe Blanton
Chad Durbin
Cole Hamels
J.A. Happ
John Mayberry, Jr.
Jamie Moyer
Shane Victorino

Cool

Greg Dobbs
Matt Stairs
Chase Utley

Yeah, you’re not going to find that kind of great analysis anywhere else but here. I was initially going to request a grant before doing the research, but didn’t feel like filling out the paperwork.

Compared to last year, the Phillies are really lacking players in the “cool” department. Maybe they need to order some new sunglasses or some leather jackets.

They’re now 9-14 in June, are tied for first place with the Mets (currently losing 4-1 to the Yankees) and have but a half-game lead on the Marlins (tied 3-3 with the Rays).

The loss tonight brings the Phillies back to .250 in interleague play (4-12). Two more games left before the nightmare is over.

Pull the trigger and the nightmare stops.

Segue into an excuse to embed a song. Done.

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