What the Phillies Really Buried

From the “Stuff You Don’t Hear Every Day” Department, the Phillies re-buried a time capsule they had created in 1983. They planned to dig it up again in 2083 assuming they’d stay in Veterans Stadium forever. Obviously, the Phillies didn’t stay at the Vet forever and moved into Citizens Bank Park for the 2004 season. As a result, they had to dig up the capsule, but now they’re ready to send it back down.

What’s in it? From the article on Phillies.com:

At the time, the capsule was filled with a 1983 team media guide, yearbook, calendar, a baseball autographed by the entire ’83 squad, Mike Schmidt’s uniform from that season, a bat autographed by Pete Rose, copies of the Philadelphia Inquirer and Daily News, among many other items.

Before the new capsule was placed in the ground Tuesday, the team added several items, including: a piece of artificial turf from Veterans Stadium, a 2008 team yearbook and media guide and tickets to the final game at the Vet in 2003 and first game at Citizens Bank in ’04, along with many other items.

I think they’re holding back some information, though. There’s some stuff in there they didn’t want us to know about. In no particular order…

  • Curt Schilling’s towel: Yes, the one he buried his face in when Mitch Williams was pitching.
  • Chase Utley’s hair gel: L.A. Looks.
  • The boot: The one that was used to kick Ed Wade out of town.
  • Rocket shoes: Pat Burrell was wearing them when he ran out to the mound when Brett Myers closed out the final game of the 2007 season when the Phillies clinched the NL East division. As catcher Chris Coste put it,

[...] Pat Burrell, the slowest man in major-league baseball, beat me, the second-slowest man in major-league baseball, to the mound. As excited as I was, every time I see that highlight from here on out, I’m going to be embarrassed by the fact that, No. 1, I didn’t keep the ball – go figure – and that Pat Burrell beat me to the mound.

  • Spittle: Collected from the many Larry Bowa tirades. Also included is drool, collected from the fans that fell asleep watching Phillies games in the late 1990’s and early 2000’s.
  • A folding chair: A metaphor for the 2007 New York Mets.
  • Bull’s BBQ Sauce: Evidence that Citizens Bank Park was home to the best food at any baseball stadium.
  • Harry Kalas’ vocal cords: Just for the extremely small chance that we can clone him, or at least his voice in the future. That DNA is valuable.
  • Mike Schmidt’s golf clubs: He used them to beat the hell out of his wife. Really.
  • The papers: They verified the trade of Kyle Kendrick to the Yomiuri Giants in Japan, used in the hilarious prank before the start of the 2008 regular season.
  • Shaving cream pie, Tomas Perez: At least when the Phillies were bad, there were some good moments, most of which were provided by Perez shoving shaving cream pies in his teammates’ faces.
  • Radar Gun at Citizens Bank Park: Billy Wagner hated it because fans would boo him for not throwing 100 MPH. Or for sinking a season by giving up a ninth-inning, three-run home run to Craig Biggio.
  • Triple-U’s machete: Ugueth Urbina, whose middle name is Urtain and thus the only Major Leaguer ever to have the initials U.U.U., attempted to kill farm workers working on his property in Venezuela.
  • Darren Daulton’s testimony: No, not a court testimony. He claims the world is going to end on December 21st, 2012, at 11:11 a.m. Greenwich Mean Time. When the capsule is opened up in 2083, Daulton will be remembered fondly.
  • A Philadelphia police badge: A reminder of Jason Michaels’ escapades.

If you think I missed something that the Phillies put in the capsule, let me know. This is serious stuff.